My Own Slice of Life on Being a Working Mom
I’m a mom of two young children. My Evelyn is two years old and Johnny turns five months old today. It wasn’t until the end of both of my maternity leaves that I really got the hang of being a stay at home mom. After having two kids, I was amazed at how I could time things just right so that I could feed Evie lunch while Johnny napped and feed Johnny while Evie napped. I was having so much fun playing dress up and having tea parties and watching Sesame Street and cuddling in pajamas until noon with my babies. I even found time to take a shower and eat lunch myself on most days!
Then it was time. Time to go back to a job I’ve always wanted to have. Time to be a full time teacher and a full time mom? I realized neither job, being a teacher or a mom, was full time anymore. My mom was getting to spend time with my kids during the day while I went to work. Morning drop offs were not fun. Evie would wave her chubby hands out the window and blow kisses as I drove off down the street. Johnny would just sleep peacefully in his car seat until he got hungry again and then my mom would get to feed him his bottle. At work, I was so busy that the day would fly by but when I would catch a glimpse of the clock, I would immediately begin thinking about our daily routine and wonder if Johnny was napping and if Evie liked her lunch today. It was so sad to think about all of the hugs I was not getting while I was away from my kids. Although, they seemed completely indifferent about the idea of having a working mom, my heart was breaking every day.
Just when I think I am starting to get used to the idea of juggling both jobs, something happens that reminds me of the stay at home life that I loved so much. This morning, as soon as I walked into my classroom I received an email from my mom saying that right after I left her house, Johnny rolled over for the first time. I missed it. I missed it when Evie did it too. There’s that pain in my stomach again. There’s that ache in my heart.
I know Johnny will roll over again and I will be there to see it when he does. I know my students need me at school and I need to be there for them too. I know my kids are fine at my mom’s house and they probably don’t even miss me. I know this is difficult right now but it will get easier, right? I’m thinking it will. And as soon as it gets easier, something else will happen to bring me right back to my own inner conflict about being a working mom again.